even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
