I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
