question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
