Don't you send me to vm
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
