Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
