so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
