I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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