There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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