I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
