we made out on top of his cat.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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