your parents love me but you hate me
barbara walters just said penis...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I love you. Go after that dick
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
