I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
