Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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