I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i wish my penis had a tongue
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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