his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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