Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
