Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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