I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
