So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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