My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
