I skipped work to stalk him.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
