I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
