What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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