My nipple is on Facebook.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
