conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
did i just pee glitter
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
