i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
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