Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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