My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
