we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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