He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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