Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
