Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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