listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
