She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
