just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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