walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
