yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
