Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
