don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
