who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
