I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
