i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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