We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
