You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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