so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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