i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
