hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
