My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
