When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
