either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
