I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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