There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
