based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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