is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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