There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
