barbara walters just said penis...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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