i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
