I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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