Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
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Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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