There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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