I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
