He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
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Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
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I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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