So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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