shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Are we still banned from the library?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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