Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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