thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
