Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
