Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
