Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
