guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
