I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
