no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
